I was writing a story about Santas, don’t bother asking why, but it’s a story about mall Santas and the Global Economic Crisis™, and such a story needs actual mall Santas, obviously, so I call some of them, a representative sample. They have real names, but they also answer to: Santa, Old Saint Nick, Kris Kringle, Father Christmas, Pere Noel and Weihnachtsmann, among others.

So I decide to call a prominent Santa in a medium-sized Canadian city, about 4,300 kilometres from the North Pole, and I leave a message and e-mail and then I call back. And he finally picks up the phone with a simple “Hello,” and he does not sound jolly.

I tell him what I’m doing and who I am, and he asks me who I write for, and I tell him, give the usual explanation and drop the names of a few Major Canadian Newspapers because it usually sounds impressive.

“So basically, you write from a liberal-left viewpoint?” he says, which is never a good way to start.

“I . . . wouldn’t say that,” I say, flustered, and then I list off the names of other newspapers and radio stations that might show a little more diversity, “Well, um . . . we’re just the wire service.”

Santa then complains about a specific Major Canadian Newspaper and says something about a “negative take” and then, Santa — this magical character who embodies the spirit of Christmas, hope and all the rest of it — hangs up the phone, and the interview is over.

Santa hung up on me. That’s never happened before.

The last time I wrote about Santa, four years ago while interning for a daily newspaper on the other side of the country, I also ran into trouble. I was assigned to write a story about how the military tracks Santa, about how they use all their radar and technology to supposedly keep tabs on the sleigh and the bright red nose as it travels at break-neck speed over the globe, and I thought it would funny to find out if the U.S. missile shield could mistake Santa for enemy fire and shoot him down. NATO told me it wouldn’t, and the headline I thought would help put readers’ minds at ease: “Santa safe from missile attack.” It was front-page news.

There were letters. A reader named Glenn called it one of the “most inane and senseless articles” he had ever read, which is probably an exaggeration, and for good measure he added: “I trust that Mr. Keller does not have children of his own because no father would write such garbage.” Another, Jane, was kinder, simply saying that I was “a little misguided.” A man named Peter was the most incensed: “What were you thinking? Surely to God, you could not possibly think that little children are concerned in this nation about Santa coming under attack.”

Maybe it was another example of the left-wing media conspiracy against Santa, or maybe the old man just has it in for me. Either way, it’s probably not a good idea to piss off Santa . . .